Tinder is the dating app of our generation (right now). With the search for new jobs, new lives, new apartments (unless you’re living at home, –that sucks), and new mates, it’s too hard to meet people out at bars and at other social events like our parents did. It’s easy. It’s fast. And it cuts out the complications of conventional boyfriend/girlfriend (hook-ups?) hunting. But the truth is, Tinder is an endless stream of fuggos and assholes. I’ve had nothing but bad dates. Seemingly nice men, inevitably reveal themselves to be the most colossal of dickholes and megalomaniacs. From the Chubby Scotsman to Rusty the Construction Worker, Tinder has been nothing but a hindrance to my life and my emotional well-being. But you know what? I’m not writing off all dating apps. Maybe I’ll find one that works, but Tinder is just not for me. So, these are 6 reasons why I deleted my Tinder.
- Every guy is a liar
From height exaggeration to weight underestimation, it happens every single time. 5’5 is not 6’3, fellas. Also, when you post pictures at your most flattering angles, you’re just f*cking lying. When I meet you in person, guess what? All of those lies go out the window. Your fatness and shortness are no longer tricking me into thinking you’re some sexy, awesome total package. So, yes, I’ll let you buy me dinner. But, you’re already a liar, and so, you’re doomed. We’re going nowhere.
- Tinder is like the homeland of the ugly
I feel like I’m getting carpel tunnel from swiping left. For every 150 guys I probably give a “good sport” right swipe for about 15. I don’t mean to be shallow, for real, but there’s nothing that kills my dating spirit like concrete proof that New York has a truly heinous straight male population. That sh*t is discouraging.
- Continuous tragic failures
Cue my previous stories of Rusty the Construction Worker and The Chubby Scotsman. Sure, they got laid and yes, I’ll give them street cred for providing amazing material for this blog, but what a terrible list of failures that goes on and on. Is Tinder the secret oasis for assholes? Because it would seem so.
- I hate straight men so much of the time it scares me
Dear straight guys, you are a woman’s curse. We have to deal with you. You need to stop thinking that just because you have money and are somewhat okay looking that you can treat hot women like sh*t. That is not cute and I’m not having it anymore.
- Dating makes me tired.
I like all the free food, sure, but dating is so exhausting. I get tired even planning a date. Where are we going? Where are we meeting? I don’t know, what do you wanna do? Kill me. I don’t even know what this person is like in real life. Between my full time job, this blog, freelancing, and wine obsession, I don’t really have the energy to date. I come home exhausted and disappointed every night to my lonely Upper West Side apartment (probably with a tall-boy in hand to ease the pain of yet another failure). What’s the point of dealing with this nonsense when I have amazing friends, family, and Bob’s Burgers on Netflix?
- I have to pretend to be someone I’m not
What is it about first dates? Why do I always act like some different, more together version of myself? Why do I have to flirt and make stupid ass jokes that you’re too dull to comprehend anyway? Frankly, it’s degrading. Boys, I’m a mess and you’re a d-bag. I don’t want to deal with your crap and you don’t want to deal with the strong, ridiculous, complicated woman I am? Well, bye then. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Basic.
Anyway, I deleted my Tinder. And I highly recommend everyone do the same.