, , , , , , , , , , ,

I’ve just begun an awesome new job, and I’m definitely not looking to complain about having a full-time offer right out of college, considering I was given this fantastic opportunity at an amazing company, surrounded by really interesting and talented new people. However, I think it’s important to voice the challenges of finding a balance when you’re starting something new and still in school.

I’ve found that over these last two weeks I’ve been putting school on the back burner. And while I know this isn’t the best of plans, all I can think about is how I’m so happy to be working where I am and doing what I love.

I’m truly trying to delegate my time, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult when I have all of these seemingly pointless assignments that have nothing to do with my new career. If I hated my job, and was working in a miserable environment, I honestly think it might be easier to focus on my schoolwork.

The truth is, like so many seniors about to embark on fabulous new journeys into life—I’m just done. I’m in no way suggesting that I plan to blow off my assignments or fail any of my classes—I just feel like, at this point in my life— I want to be finished already. Graduation is only four weeks away. I know I need to muscle through, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t struggling. I’m managing content that I love and writing pieces that I’m crazy about and meanwhile, I have looming papers and projects to finish in order to get a piece of paper that is supposed to somehow validate me when I feel like I’ve already been validated.

I’ve been profoundly anxious that if I slack at all at my new job by wasting my time with school, I’m going to have them end up thinking I’m not as dedicated, not as talented as I am. I’ve been working my hardest to try and juggle everything all at once. I’m multi-tasking, and that is a challenge I accept with thanks. I’m very lucky. I’m completely aware of that. How many seniors are walking out of college with the job they dreamed they might have?

What I fear most, above all other things, is failure. Can I do this? Can I make it? Well, of course I can. I think it’s just difficult to be able to remember that everything is important and that nothing can be left behind.

I long for May 17th, when I can role into graduation and think, “Wow. I did it. It’s over. I’m here.” I need to power through. I need to believe in my abilities and I need to be willing to put in the extra work until I’m finally free of the chains of higher education. I am so eternally grateful for everything that I have. I don’t mean to whine or complain. It’s just that my plate is so full right now that I’m scared it will topple over and everything will fall apart.

I’m being strong. I’m trying to be brave. I’m neglecting my friendships and I’m so thankful that all of my lifers have been so supportive through this massive change in my life.

Cheers to new beginnings! And cheers to making it through the next month!